Recently I’ve focused on deepening my connection with the Divine and my spirituality. This started after seeing Marianne Williamson during a Democratic Party debate discussing her views on how we needed to return to a place of love and compassion to combat the hate that has risen in our world. I connected with her remarks in way I had not connected with someone on that stage before (note: this is not an endorsement or comment on her political policies and standing). It lead me to want to be a beacon of love in this world – and to get there I needed to connect with my Higher Power and the world around me.
My practice has become a sacred part of my morning. After I wake up and have my coffee, shower, etc. I sit comfortably and light a candle and ask my Higher Power to join me in the practice. I then pray – asking for guidance to do God’s will, openness to possibilities, the ability to let go of things, and whatever else comes to me/I feel called to work on. Then I take time to either sit in the moment or do a guided meditation to round out the practice, thanking my Higher Power for being with me.
Over the course of this practice, I’ve had some revelations about myself and my journey towards serenity:
- Compassion & Empathy
- Somewhere in the past 28 years, I lost my ability to be compassionate and empathize with others. I was able to fake it when I needed to and for my own purposes of manipulation, but I shut out the ability to truly connect with others in pain and understand that people are often doing the best they can.
- Shame
- I used to tell people that I didn’t experience shame – I would say I own everything I do. Not only was that a lie, it also showed my lack of understanding of shame. There are a lot of situations in my life where I have internalized what has been said to me, what has happened to me, or what I’ve done. I’ve bottled these things up for so long and buried them so deep that I didn’t realize I was holding onto them.
- Vulnerability
- For as long as I can remember – I’ve felt that letting people in or asking for help showed weakness. I felt that I should be able to handle everything on my own. And when I couldn’t, it wasn’t okay to let others see that. These thoughts ended up causing a lot of pain for me, some that I have only just seen.
These things are just what has come up in the short time during the practice and are what I’m asking my Higher Power to help me understand. I’ve also decided to start working with a behavioral health professional on some of these areas – the second time that I’ve admitted I need help beyond myself.
I have also started to dive into the literature on these topics in a desire to learn how to integrate practices into my life to cultivate compassion and vulnerability. As I continue to strive for serenity, I look forward to continuing to connect with the Divine and hopefully live a more spiritually connected, compassionate, and vulnerable life.
Grant Me Serenity and Shit 