Serenity & Shit

Hi, I’m Kevin & I’m an alcoholic. The first time I said that, it felt odd; now it is just a party of my normal vocabulary.

I want to preface this with the fact that I am not a writer, but I have a story to tell. A story that I can’t keep inside of me and may help someone who is struggling. This is my story – the story of how I started drinking, my exploits, and my journey into recovery. Fair warning, it is going to be all over the place not following any particular time line.

Names have been changed to protect the anonymity of those involved. Whenever possible, I have taken care to not include any stories that aren’t mine in my recovery.

***Trigger Warning***

This blog contains graphic depictions of blackout and binge drinking, violence, and potential sexual conduct.

I had my first drink when I was a freshman in college. Prior to that, I was a Bible-thumping, rule following tee totaler. The idea of drinking did not appeal to me – none of my friends in high school did, and all of the stories I heard from those who did involved people making fools of themselves. I wanted no part of it.

When I went back to my parent’s house over winter break, I reflected on my first semester and realized that while I enjoyed it, there was something missing. Somehow I came to the conclusion that what was missing was drinking. I told my best friend that I wanted to try it and she was ecstatic. She and her boyfriend threw a very small dorm room party (about 4 of us) and made mixed drinks with vodka. I remember it burning at first, but I was told that was normal. Pretty soon I enjoyed the warmness of the liquor as it slid down my throat and everything became funnier and I felt more relaxed than I ever had. I couldn’t believe I had waited this long and understood why everyone who I knew enjoyed drinking so much.

That night was the first night I got drunk – and I absolutely loved it. I didn’t know at the time that this would begin my long, tumultuous love affair with alcohol. A relationship that would help me reach the highest highs and lowest lows. I wasn’t an alcoholic drinker from the first time- my addiction developed and progressed over time. In the beginning there were no consequences. No one got in trouble, no one got sick, and there were no hangovers. I felt like I could conquer the world.

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